Advertising for Twilight

*I apologize in advance to friends of mine who might be offended with this. But honestly, offended or not, you guys know it's true, right? :D

...And so, my friends, it is expected that with the mass-mania of Valentine's Day comes the biggest mistake of the human race since Demi Lovato. You know what I'm talking about right? Yeah. Twilight.

But hey! This is not just the usual, asscrack shit that Twilight never fails to be. It's actually worse! Aside from t-shirts, hoodies, TRACK SUITS and bags, there are actually Twilight-themed Valentine's Day Cards! How utterly deranged is that? Capitalism has never made a bigger blunder, but let's face it, it hasn't made a bigger profit before this, either. I've seen multitudes of this zoophilia-craze worshippers sport "Mrs. Cullen" , "Team Cullen" , "Bite Me" and "Do I Dazzle You?" statement shirts that project no statement at all besides "Me: Stupid", but Valentine's Day cards? You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

A Twilighter-friend of mine told me about these...things. She's actually planning to order some online and even told me about this site where one could buy all Twilight-related crappola..I mean...stuff. Here is something that gave me helpless LOLs:

Did you know that Bella Swan is into necrophilia? Given that she let Edward Cullen's bee partake nectar from her (formerly) virginal flower of forbidden pollen in Breaking Dawn, technically, she's a necrophile. And now you're all jumping into the bandwagon? Being a necrophile means you're messed up in the head, people. Wanting a dead, sexually-deprived, teenage-boy-poser ancient man pop your forbidden cherry isn't awesome. It's a massively epic mistake. Tsk, tsk.

This is the card that I was talking about. Well, this and a lot more. "The outside world holds nothing for me without you." Apparently, Meyer must have dreamt of a guy saying that to her, but it didn't happen so she poured out her mushy, school-girl necrophilic sicko fantasies into the greatest shit* that ever hit the shelves. Wow, I am finally a Twilighter.

NOT.

If you want to waste cash and get a hold of these things, I got them here.

And the craptaker's verdict on this perfect crap? A shining, shimmering, sparkling 10 for necrophilia and bestiality.

(*Hey. At least I wrote "greatest" shit. That must count for something.)

The (Non)existence of traffic laws. really.

You get used to the heavy traffic and smoke-belching after a while, especially if you brave Metro Manila's streets everyday. The trip to and from the university won't be complete without jeepney drivers spitting fire at each other, shady guys hitching free rides and unruly kids thrusting dirty envelopes at you even after you say "No". Yeah. I got used to it after a couple of months.

But there are some things that you just can't get used to, tulad ng garapalang pangongotong ng mga traffic enforcers. Just take my trip home this afternoon as an example. I was in a jeepney, and we were somewhere in the Luzon area when the driver pulled over and scrambled out of his seat. I thought something was wrong with the engine and we had to transfer to another jeepney, but then more PUJs and PUVs pulled over and I had an inkling of what was happening when I saw a man in uniform (wearing a, probably, fake Ray-Ban). He didn't have a beer belly, which was unexpected, and he was smiling and being an all-around nice guy, which was also unexpected. What I expected was bravado that came in raging bouts and a holier-than-thou attitude.

I would have fallen for his act had I not seen drivers "surreptitiously" hand over what seemed to be rolled-up wads of money. And the smile of Manong Pulis grew even wider, and his pockets fuller.

Heh. I should have known. Tiba-tiba si Manong. Bumabawi sa gastos nung bakasyon. *rolls eyes* Kaya pala parang namatayan si Manong Drayber when he went back in the jeep. Baka pinatos na lahat ng gahamang pulis.

Hmm, I guess I shouldn't put the blame on traffic enforcers alone, huh? Drivers are to be blamed as much as the street demi-gods. Just a couple of weeks ago on my way to class, the driver of the jeepney I was in pretty much ignored the turn signal of a freaking Mazda6 ahead of him, stepped on the accelerator and sped ahead of the probably pissed driver.

All I thought was, bastos 'tong si Manong. Unahan ba naman ang Mazda6. Ambisyoso.

And the craptaker's verdict on Philippine traffic law enforcement? Or just plain Philippine traffic?

A highly disappointing 9.5 on the Crap-O-Meter. T___T

Nothing Else Matters

I got this from Ia-chan, who got this from Lea. Seems fun, so I tried it. :P

RULES:
1. Put your MP3 player, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag at least 10 friends (this is not necessary, I think) :P
5. Everyone has to do the same thing.6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone..

Okay..emo much? LOL.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Fences by Paramore

And it's obvious that you're dying, dying
Just living proof that the camera's lying

So...so. This is wholly inaccurate, I assure you.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers

First born unicorn
Hard core, soft porn
Dream of californication

...I am getting freaked out.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
We Are Broken by Paramore

Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore..
Our innocence
Give us life again, cause we just want to be whole

Again, highly inaccurate. My "emo" phase has long been done. Puhlease.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
This is How I Disappear by My Chemical Romance

No. I swear I am not suicidal. LOL.

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Minsan by Eraserheads

Ngunit ngayon, kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon.
Sana'y wag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan.
at kung sakaling gipitin ay
laging iisipin na
minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan.

I miss my friends.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Teenagers by My Chemical Romance

I am getting sick of MCR.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Wow. My parents are cool.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Maselang Bahaghari by Eraserheads

If you've been my friend since high school, then you'll know that this is so accurate, even from the title. Damn. I am freaked out. LOL

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Alive by Pearl Jam

...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? (this applies to my closest friends)
Forsaken by Dream Theater

...No! Definitely not!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls

And hold on, before it's too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall, just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

Yes. I shall hold on. You can count on that. :)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Overdrive by Eraserheads

So...I'll be a driver? As long as the ride is a Lamborghini, then it's fine. :P

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park

and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest

Kinda sad but...somehow it fits.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Misery Business by Paramore

This song is actually about prostitution, but whatever. Yeah, a wedding inspires misery. Fortunately for me, I don't believe in weddings. :P

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Let the Flames Begin by Paramore

So...this means that I'm going to burn in hell?

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
In the Presence of Enemies by Dream Theater

Yeah. I like bashing up things. And making enemies along the way. :P

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic by Paramore

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I guess, in a way, we're all scared of rejection and abandonment.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Superproxy by Eraserheads

I don't even get this song that much.

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Soul to Squeeze by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Oh yeah. I want a soul to squeeze. *insert evil snort here*

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Kamasupra by Eraserheads

mahal kita..pero miss na miss na miss ko na ang aking kama
at ang malupit kong unan
ba't di ka na lang sumama?
hihiga tayo at kakan...taaaa. :D

Strange. Everytime we drop by Ambida's house, we cluster around (and on) his bed and belt it out on his Magic Sing. Strangely accurate. LOL.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Nothing Else Matters by Metallica
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Fun. And freaky how most songs seem to fit the questions. Try it out. ;)

Para Kay Petras

Have you ever felt that strange heaviness when something you never gave a damn about is suddenly, brutally snatched from your grasp? And because of that loss, you suddenly care. But you can't do anything about it, because the damage has been done and you can't take it back.


Earlier today, something horrible happened in my Panitikang Pilipino 12 class. My professor asked a question, something that we should have easily answered had we read the references, yet we didn't utter a single word. Not one of us said anything.


That triggered a series of unfortunate events where the professor scrapped the previous roll-call and instead based attendance on whether we brought our readings or not. It was a disaster because not even half the class brought theirs. So we received an earful- how he was so disappointed, how he cannot believe that we are students from UP...stuff that a teacher, who actually teaches, would say. Then he dropped the bomb. PanPil12 Section WFR1 would no longer hold classes and would meet only for exams and submission of papers. Then he dismissed us and walked out of the class.

He actually said more that cut us to the quick, but it's either I forgot them or I just can't bring myself to face them again. The turth hurts, huh.

I felt and still feel like crap. And believe me, it's a lot worse had you heard his words first-hand.

I need to cheer up. Maybe I should go bash Twilight. That never fails to give me the LOLs. :D

P.S. Hi to my PanPil12 classmate, Rosie! Check out her blog, Stercus Accidit (i.e. Shit Happens. You gotta love anyone with "shit" in their names/blognames/etc.) I finally got to visit your space. Loved it, mon amie.

Hiatus. Another seemingly endless bout of writer's block has hit me. Now I wish for those blissful days when hypergraphia would force me to regurgitate streams and streams of words that do or do not make sense. I had a release, at the very least. But now...

Can I rant? Just a little bit.

Okay here goes.

Goddammit, screw those blood-sucking bitches with doctorate degrees who can't do anything but torture dying students with fucked-up inane statements and force them to swallow their dignities like thick, white mancrap! Those motherfreakingfucker assholes should get a life before they bite the fucking dust! Get ya heads outta your loose fucked up posteriors, dammit!! God damn it.

Dammit. Dammit.