28.12.09

The Ender

28.12.09
Change is overrated. Or is it? Depends on the kind of change you're talking about. If it is the sort that political hopefuls spout, then it is overrated. If it is the sort that you do with yourself, where you pull your innards out and spill all the blood and gore for everyone else to see, that is praiseworthy, if I do say so myself. There is nothing more difficult, more raw, than to see yourself in all your imperfect glory, to see all the scars and the mistakes and the dirt of the days that hours of reflection had failed to cleanse.

It shatters one's illusion of oneself, and so we realize that the blood and the gore are much better, much easier on the eyes than the self-imposed filth, and we turn ourselves inside out, finally showing to the world who we really are, and we drop all masks, all walls, baring ourselves to the harsh eyes and miscalculations.

The bullets are dipped in acid. And they pierce, and go through flesh and bone, and they break free of the earthly barrier, specks of our soul scattered in their wake. We are left with nothing. And so we start with nothing.

And so I start with apologies.

To the soldier- no...the man who left his heart where no bullet could ever pierce it...
To the squid who sucked and took and abused until nothing was left of her victims...
To the gods and goddesses whose mortal shells were taken and used...
To the snowman who remained ignorant of the adoration of the abyss...
To the jack-of-all-trades who was mistakenly hit by my dagger...
To the comrades who were pushed away, their captain left to sink with her ship...
To the mother who never deserved an ungrateful daughter...
To the girl who would always stare at the snowflakes, the tiny complex forms fading away into nothingness before they ever reached her palms...

To everyone. To no one.

And so I end with wishes.

And other wishes that I choose to keep locked behind closed doors, sleeping and untouched. I fear the inevitable, more inevitable than death, that they may never come to a realization.

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