Since I Can't Say It Out Loud...

WARNING: Bound to get personal, mushy and downright asinine. No particular direction, really. This is going off in countless ways, like a crossroad gone crazy. Again, watch your step.

I have no clue if I should be thrilled that classes have been moved to a later date because somehow, the pros outweigh the cons (read: allowance *wink wink*), but whatever. I think I'll kill sometime here, and release virtual crap into the void. This could be about anyone, could go anywhere, and just be anything, really.

So, yesterday, my friend since preschool celebrated her first foray into womanhood, AKA, her 18th birthday. I've been reacquainted with some friends whom I haven't seen for more than a year, and I realized that I no longer am updated with what's going on in their lives. We've all moved on to other things...greater things. Some are moving on with a leisurely stroll. Some are running and pushing themselves as if the hellhounds are at their heels. We are all moving, and the only constant thing is the fact that we are all different- no longer on the same page, no longer following the same goals, no longer moving at the same pace.

I know that people change, but I haven't realized until lately that relationships also do in such a short span of time. But what the heck, they are my friends. And I know very well how difficult it is to put up with me. I am a slanderous, narcissistic, cynical, hypercritical, sanctimonious bitch (with a capital B) who's not easy on the eyes AND certainly does not deserve enduring friends. But still, I have them in epic proportions, and that's more than what other people can say for themselves. I am thankful, but since I'm an emotionally-constipated cow, I do not let them know how high up in my priorities they are. Maybe I've let loose a couple of mushy words in their blogs or cellphones or in person (which is rare), but that's it. I think I'm taking them for granted.

Nah. I AM taking them for granted.

Friends, I know that some of you have read, are reading or might read this, so lemme tell you one thing: just tell me to SHUT THE HELL UP and CUT THE CRAP if I'm being too much to handle. Really, I won't bite your heads off if you tell me to shut up once in a while, and you are my friends so I'm bound to listen to you, yeah? Seriously, I can listen to you guys, too. All I need is a tiny, microscopic magnitude (talk about contradictions :D) of trust.

Now I feel like the lowest low-life on the face of this god-forsaken place. I am lightyears away from being a good person, but I'm trying my damnedest to get there, even if I'm doing it in a snail's pace. I know it's going to take me a whole lifetime because change isn't a split-second phenomenon, and it's actually harder than we think to take into consideration what other people tell us, and morph the 'beast' into 'beauty'. But the point is, I am more than amenable to metamorphose into a more agreeable creature who bites and barks less. I won't go psycho on you guys if you point out a not-so-likeable trait, or an attitude problem (well in that case, I might have to change EVERYTHING. :P). If I do freak out, you could always threaten to call B.S.C. (aka Astroboy) or watch HP6 without me. That would do the trick.

So, to LeaIaKrisannRayDreiAjRuthRoselleClaireAdrian

MarielleGabbiMikkaJoyNikkiRaymondMarkXela

KatrinaMishMegBetsyAnalynRovelleJennicaNicole

YoyaTentenSarahMiggyCheskaTheaJenCharo (but most importantly, to the first twelve names mentioned), thank you from the substratum of my filthy, evil cardiac organ.

If I have one, that is. :D