The Act of Crapping

Disclaimer: I take no credit for this image. All I take credit for is the very true crap I've written here.

WARNING: Humourless Twilight fangirls, proceed at your own caution. Intelligent Twilight fangirls (though I'm not really sure if there are such creatures because the statement is a fallacy), maybe we could have a mature debate on why Twilight is a shitbag vampire romance.

I don't know why, but it's just so FUN to make fun of Twilight. Probably because fangirls transform into werewolves at the slightest hint of anti-Twilight stuff. And don't forget their heartfelt declarations that Twilight and its sequels are the "best pieces of literature in the history of everything" (Dickens must be rolling in his grave). Please, people, I still have a tiny, teensy bit of hope left in the human race, and don't crush it by being gigglish dumbasses who have no taste whatsoever in literature. You have to realize that you need help, and quite a lot of people are more than willing to extend a helping hand.

Let's start with these few steps, shall we?

1. Go burn all your Twilight books and sequels. Gather the ashes and scatter them to the four winds.
2. Visit the nearest bookstore and purchase some books, preferably the works of Voltaire, Chinua Achebe, Mark Twain, etc.
3. If you really are a vampire lit fan, then there is still hope for you. Get the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice and indulge yourself in manly vampires. There are quite a lot, and not just one wussy, pasty douchebag like Edward.
4. Get rid of your downloaded/pirated Twilight movies/books.
5. Change your Edward desktop wallpaper into anything BUT Twilight-related shit.
6. Separate yourself from webgroups (read:cults) dedicated to worshipping Edward's skinny, undead self.
7. Stop dumbing yourself down just to be on the same wavelength as other fans. But if you really are that much of an airhead then I can't do shit about it.

Well, those are just some steps you gotta take. But I hate to tell you that some damages cannot be reversed, such as the death of some of your innocent brain cells or the sudden drop in your IQ. Treatment for these requires much patience and lots of reading books that are actually written by an author with a working, lucid brain.

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This is a little something I've found on the Net, so I take no credit for it.

Quite a lot of lines cracked me up. One is "Twilight iz mature and sexier then HP!" - Sad. Just sad. I feel sorry for those fangirls whose lives revolve around trying to be Mary Sue and dreaming about Edward Cullen's sparkling balls.

Another is "You're just jealous cos you'll never get a hot guy like Edward!" - Oh, and you could? Not to mention that he's a 107-year old undead virgin, and guys like him exist, right? RIGHT? (yeah. RIGHT)...

And another.. "ur just jellus!!1!" - I am not even going to start about spelling...punctuation...

It's painfully obvious what kind of people Stephenie Meyer (bestselling author and comedienne) has for fans- utterly clueless preteen/hormonal/deprived girls who dream of having their anorexic cherry popped by Edward's pasty (yet sparkling), undead sausage. I would feel sorry for Meyer if only she didn't bring into the world the little piece of shit that started it all. But then again, if she didn't, I wouldn't have this much fun bashing up a book.