*I apologize in advance to friends of mine who might be offended with this. But honestly, offended or not, you guys know it's true, right? :D
...And so, my friends, it is expected that with the mass-mania of Valentine's Day comes the biggest mistake of the human race since Demi Lovato. You know what I'm talking about right? Yeah. Twilight.
But hey! This is not just the usual, asscrack shit that Twilight never fails to be. It's actually worse! Aside from t-shirts, hoodies, TRACK SUITS and bags, there are actually Twilight-themed Valentine's Day Cards! How utterly deranged is that? Capitalism has never made a bigger blunder, but let's face it, it hasn't made a bigger profit before this, either. I've seen multitudes of this zoophilia-craze worshippers sport "Mrs. Cullen" , "Team Cullen" , "Bite Me" and "Do I Dazzle You?" statement shirts that project no statement at all besides "Me: Stupid", but Valentine's Day cards? You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.
A Twilighter-friend of mine told me about these...things. She's actually planning to order some online and even told me about this site where one could buy all Twilight-related crappola..I mean...stuff. Here is something that gave me helpless LOLs:
Did you know that Bella Swan is into necrophilia? Given that she let Edward Cullen's bee partake nectar from her (formerly) virginal flower of forbidden pollen in Breaking Dawn, technically, she's a necrophile. And now you're all jumping into the bandwagon? Being a necrophile means you're messed up in the head, people. Wanting a dead, sexually-deprived, teenage-boy-poser ancient man pop your forbidden cherry isn't awesome. It's a massively epic mistake. Tsk, tsk.
This is the card that I was talking about. Well, this and a lot more. "The outside world holds nothing for me without you." Apparently, Meyer must have dreamt of a guy saying that to her, but it didn't happen so she poured out her mushy, school-girl necrophilic sicko fantasies into the greatest shit* that ever hit the shelves. Wow, I am finally a Twilighter.
NOT.
If you want to waste cash and get a hold of these things, I got them here.
And the craptaker's verdict on this perfect crap? A shining, shimmering, sparkling 10 for necrophilia and bestiality.
(*Hey. At least I wrote "greatest" shit. That must count for something.)
4 comments:
Nabother ako dun sa message ng card. Naintindihan ko yung "holds nothing for me without you". Pero ano yung "outside world"? Meron bang "inside world"? Matagal-tagal ko ding pinag-isipan yun. Siguro wala talagang ibig sabihin yun, kaya it "holds nothing".
[Ngunit siyempre, kung hindi ko lang talaga naintindihan dahil sa kaka prime-factor ko sa oras, pwede nyo akong kontakin >:)]
Well Rona, at least Twilight is great for something. Pointing out that it is the GREATEST $h!7 is very kind of you. Instead of criticizing, you appraise.
Best twilight bashing ever! Good Job Rona-chan! Meyer must be really searching for an Edward back in high school but didn't get one. And yes, thank you for pointing out Bella's uhm... disfunction? as twilighters really idolize and even ENVY her for this fact. I still heart Louis though... teehee!
Necrophilia! :))
This is hilarious!
Well, for not much of a Twilight fan... Like me. :]
Well, high school girls... (I'm still one. Well, for one more month...)
To begin with- I am normally [as most of the time would allow] neutral about things that people would often debate on but with this one...?
Oh yeah! I have to agree with you and disagree with TWILIGHT [together with its whole series and all the other paraphernalia related to it].
We all know that Twilight became a huge hit [and we can't deny it] but catching the attention of most people doesn't guarantee that it is, in fact, worthy of being called 'hit', right? [unless it's 'hit a fan in the face with that book', why not?]
Anyway, some of the people I got to associate with are Twilight fanatics and I was the first person I've ever known to hate it [scratch that, I just don't hate it- I abhor it, despise it, loathe it, detest it...you get the drift].
So it's an absolutely wonderful phenomenon to find out that I am not alone in condemning Twilight as Literature's Empress of Shit. Actually, I don't really see a point of acknowledging it as a part of Literature, do you?
If the writers of the Anglo-Saxons Era, Dark Ages, Middle Ages, Victorian Period, Elizabethan Period, Romantic Period and all the other eras were all like Meyer, Literature probably wouldn't be an existing term today.
As for Meyer and her humongous crap of published work [the T-word] along with all of its fans, lovers, supporters and utterly pointless devotees- DROP.DEAD.
What I absolutely hate the most about Twilight is the fact that the Vampire Race and all else related to Vampirism have lost their elegant grandeur with the shitty persona of the Cullen clan and the characteristics of these 'vampires' [Huh, so they sparkle in the sun? SHIT]. The Vampires' reputable image is tainted with "the dark gift of their blood" so don't waste it on a lovesick git named Edward.
The name alone is enough to throw the book out at first glance. Edward Cullen?? Whatever happened to Lestat de Lioncourt, Louis de Pointe du Lac, Vittorio di Riniari, even Dracula himself and all the others? Seriously, aren't they familiar with Anne Rice and Bram Stoker?
And since I'm ranting now I want to say nothing further because those who can recognize crap knew full well what I mean, right?
+ r.dlr +
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